Tech-savvy consumers are lining up today to be the first to purchase Sony’s
brand-new Stupid Piece of Shit that doesn’t do the goddamn thing it’s
fucking supposed to. Onion News Network Tech Trends reporter Jeff Tate has
more.
Thanks, Brandon! It’s being called the biggest fucking waste of your
hard-earned money to come along in years. Sony’s new Stupid Box Thing hit
the shelves of crowded malls and overpriced electronic stores around the
country today.
It’s got a whole bunch more… memory and megapixels, and what not than any
of the other TV shit that I already have. I can’t wait to get home and spend
my whole fucking night trying to figure the goddamn thing out.
If you can somehow claw and bite your way through the impossible to open
packaging, this Stupid Piece of Shit offers a wide variety of
frustrating-as-hell functions, including flashing random fucking words and
numbers on its display screen not coming with the fucking little doohickey
thing it’s supposed to, and being goddamned ass backward as fuck. Sony’s spokesman Alan Compton said the company designed this
sucking fucking goddamn thing to make everyone in the modern home want to
tear their fucking eyeballs out.
We listened hard to what our customers said. They wanted the most out of
their home entertainment system and then we pumped out this impossible to
use fucking piece of shit.
Anyone mystified by the device’s numerous extraneous features can scroll
through the interactive help menu, a labyrinthy maze of indecipherable topics of
use to fucking no-one.
We want people to be screaming in unison from houses across the country
“Work, work, you cock-sucking piece of shit! What is wrong with you? Why
can’t you work like a normal machine?”
With a hundred million dollar nationwide campaign to plaster irritating ass
advertisements for the retarded hunk of garbage every single goddamn place
you look, Sony is expecting it to become the next fucking gizmo you
absolutely have to fucking own if you don’t want to feel like a toothless
hillbilly living in some hillbilly shack somewhere.
I love bullshit like this. You know… I’d… basically I’ll buy any goddamn
thing that I see in an ad.
The fucking piece of shit is available now, so run out and pick one up, and
invite all of your friends over to see if any of them can figure out this
motherfucking time vampire. Unless one of them is a rocket scientist, Sony
pretty much guaran-fucking-tees they have no chance. For the Onion News
Network, I’m Jeff Tate.
Thanks, Jeff. Sony says they plan to release an upgraded 800 gigabyte
version of this Piece of Shit by the end of the year… just when you’ve
figured out the goddamn remote control for this one. It never ends… this
sh…it.
¿El Cell BE de sony y compañía es una mierda?
Y eso de poner asteriscos. ¡ES PLAGIO!
Estos ministros norueguiles mira que son…